From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. WARNING: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.
David Wong has updated the Lovecraft tradition and infused it with humor that rather than lessening the horror, increases it dramatically. Every time I set the book down down, I was wary that something really was afoot, that there were creatures I couldn't see, and that because I suspected this, I was next. Engaging, comic, and terrifying.-- Joe Garden, Features Editor, The Onion "Wong is like a mash-up of Douglass Adams and Stephen King... 'page-turner' is an understatement." --Don Coscarelli, director, Phantasm I-V, Bubba Ho-tep "That rarest of things--a genuinely scary story."--David Wellington, author of Monster Island, Vampire Zero "JOHN DIES AT THE END has a cult following for a reason: it's horrific, thought-provoking, and hilarious all at once. This is one of the most entertaining and addictive novels I've ever read."--Jacob Kier, Publisher, Permuted Press STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me. The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault.
It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf -- it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with e-books, too, I don't have time to explain how. While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they -- like you -- would be better off not knowing. Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome -- and, to be frank, stupid -- cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for. John Dies at the End's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" (Publishers Weekly) and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" (Washington Post). Now, New York Times bestselling author David Wong is back with What the Hell Did I Just Read, the third installment of this black-humored thriller series.
In a prosperous yet gruesomely violent near-future, superhero vigilantes battle thugs whose heads are full of supervillain fantasies. The peace is kept by a team of smooth, well-dressed negotiators called The Men in Fancy Suits. College grad Zoey discovers her scumbag dad was one of the founding members of the Fancy Suits, and quickly becomes entangled in the city's surreal mob war when she is taken hostage by a particularly crazy villain.
In films, television, books, games, pornography, and now even in firearms and ammunition being sold to the American public, zombies are one of the mainstays of the popular culture of our time. Far from being only a passing curiosity, Brian Patrick dissects the zombie, showing it as the articulation of deep-seated fears within the Western psyche, a symbol in fact for the growing dehumanization that many of us observe, or perhaps sense without fully realizing it, in modern civilization. Patrick connects the zombie phenomenon to previous historical occurrences, drawing on both religion and psychology to show how such symbolic tropes that lodge in the collective unconscious of a culture are reflective of the psychological needs of large numbers of people in times of crisis. Patrick likewise shows how zombiedom has manifested particularly in American gun culture, and how this relates to the growth of a large-scale citizens' activist movement in favor of gun rights. Also included are practical tips on how to stay out of the clutches of zombiedom. Zombology is more than just a book about zombies, however. The zombie, for Patrick, is a peculiarly Western phenomenon, and as such, he examines how it can be seen as a manifestation of not-so-abstract forces battling for the future of our civilization: will collectivization or the individual, dream or reality win out? Patrick offers his own diagnosis. "At the very least the zombie adds some much-needed psychic contrast to the cold, to the grey and to the unending. It also provides a face, albeit necrotic, to the seemingly impersonal sociological forces that undermine the West; for in a near-perfect correspondence with the zombie, the West itself appears to be necrotic in a galloping way. Both need brains to ease the pain."-p. 48
Insects and spiders are some of the most complex and crafty creatures on Earth. This book gives readers an up-close look at the mechanics behind bugs. Readers will enjoy learning about the leaping flea, the bloodsucking tick, the migrating Monarch butterfly, and the stinging scorpion. They’ll explore the ways that the anatomy of each insect and spider gives it amazing abilities and skills suited to its environment. This book is full of fun fact boxes and color photographs that magnify each creature. Readers will love exploring the mechanics behind the world’s creepiest critters!
From bestselling comic-book franchise writer Charles Soule comes a clever and witty first novel of a twentysomething New Yorker who wakes up one morning with the power to predict the future—perfect for fans of Joe Hill and Brad Meltzer, or books like This Book Is Full of Spiders and Welcome to Night Vale. Knowledge is power. So when an unassuming Manhattan bassist named Will Dando awakens from a dream one morning with 108 predictions about the future in his head, he rapidly finds himself the most powerful man in the world. Protecting his anonymity by calling himself the Oracle, he sets up a heavily guarded Web site with the help of his friend Hamza to selectively announce his revelations. In no time, global corporations are offering him millions for exclusive access, eager to profit from his prophecies. He's also making a lot of high-powered enemies, from the President of the United States and a nationally prominent televangelist to a warlord with a nuclear missile and an assassin grandmother. Legions of cyber spies are unleashed to hack the Site—as it's come to be called—and the best manhunters money can buy are deployed not only to unmask the Oracle but to take him out of the game entirely. With only a handful of people he can trust—including a beautiful journalist—it's all Will can do to simply survive, elude exposure, and protect those he loves long enough to use his knowledge to save the world. Delivering fast-paced adventure on a global scale as well as sharp-witted satire on our concepts of power and faith, Marvel writer Charles Soule's audacious debut novel takes readers on a rollicking ride where it's impossible to predict what will happen next.